A New Year - Piano
I woke up early in the morning on December 31, 2003 and decided to make a piano improvisation that would express my feelings on the passage of 2003 and my expectation for the coming year. That seemed simple enough. I set up the MIDI record system on my acoustic piano so I could sit down at a moments notice and recording would proceed immediately. I intended to start playing shortly thereafter. As I approached the piano I experienced a rush of anxiety and apprehension. This did not feel right. I was confused. I figured these feelings would pass and then, after some reflection, I could return perhaps a short time later. It was still morning. After an exercise session of Chi Gong, figuring to work out the kinks, I started to evaluate my personal experiences of the passing year. I felt lost and indeed unable to evaluate my life's purpose or in fact any purpose for life. The world situation weighed heavily on my mind. The day moved on and I approached the piano dozens of times, without ever touching a piano key, while my sense of anxiety was steadily increasing. After sunset I began pacing the length of my studio and wondered if I could actually sit at the piano that day. It got worse. While pacing I began wrenching my hands. I started to cry uncontrollably and repeatedly. The hour was getting late as I felt a loss of touch with reality, madness. With all of the courage I could muster I finally sat at the piano to play just before and just into 2004. By the time I finished playing I was experiencing overwhelming joy. Still shaken, but revived, I felt ready to begin-again with the practice surrounding art, music and life in the New Year.